like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
