A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
handjob tips. give me some.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
