He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
