"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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