Porn is love you can see.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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