Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
someone threw a dead crab at me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
