I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
