and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
