i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
