i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
