Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
