Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
