Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
