I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
