I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
