Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize