so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
