1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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