Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
