1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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