Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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