i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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