i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
