All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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