she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize