It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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