So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
