I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
