No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
