I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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