I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do herpes really smell.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
