Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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