dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
should my penis look like a turkey
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
