When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
