You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
