He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
