just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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