she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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