Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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