Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
