Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
