i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
