I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
