Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
