I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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