i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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