sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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