It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
