I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize