I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
