brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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