There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
