I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
