is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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