Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
