Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
