i wish my penis had a tongue
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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